bumming blues, part 2

May 14th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

     hmmm. from now on,my every blog entry will be entitled "bumming blues," until i find a job that is. mwahahaha, scary. paano kung hulyo na at wala pa rin akong trabaho?

     anyways. mayo pa lang naman. and i can always tell myself that i needed a rest. kahit buryong-buryo na ako dito sa bahay!

     kaya, eto na ang katas ng aking pagkaburyo (ipinagpatuloy mula sa bumming blues part 1):

7) ang hirap ng walang sariling pera. as in walang walang wala. gusto kong tumulong sa youthvote ngayun, kaso hindi ako pinayagan. baka raw magkaroon ng rambol at madamay pa ako. sus. malabo yun. at bored na ako dito sa bahay. e hindi naman pwedeng basta na lang ako umalis dahil isandaang piso ang pamasahe ng balikan mula sa min patungong maynila. good luck na lang, wala talaga akong pera. at nasabi ko na bang bored na bored na ako?

8) naniningin ako ng mga litrato ng mga ka-block ko kanina. miss ko na sila. ang bilis pala ng apat na taon. pero ayoko nang mag-sentimyento pa dahil baka maiyak lang ako tas mapagkamalan pa ako ng nanay ko na nababaliw. medyo naapektohan yata siya nung episode sa maalala mo kaya kung saan 3 sa 5 na magkakapatid ang nabaliw.

hay…kailan kaya ulit makukumpleto ang block? sniff, sniff…

bumming blues part 1

May 12th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

     hello world! banggain mo ako, sige lang. dahil tatayo ako at lalaban! bwahahahah. so here i am, bumming, pero hindi unemployed (dahil ayon sa latest definition ng unemployment, kailangang hindi ka na naghahanap ng trabaho para maging unemployed. so yes, kahit hindi ka kumikita ng pera, basta’t naghahanap ka ng trabaho, pasok ka pa rin sa depinisyon. sabagay, trabaho na rin siguro ang paghahanap ng trabaho dahil lakad ka nang lakad, exam dito, interview doon… NOT!)

     so while i’m still employed at the business of looking for work, i’ve decided to document the experience (aka ANGST!). natututo naman ako dude. at may masasayang moments din naman. isa pa, nakakatuyo ng utak ang pamamalagi sa bahay at panunuod ng tv. kaya eto na, without further eclavu, my bumming blues! ( warning: dahil sabog ako, anything goes.)

1.) perennial na ang tanong na "tell us about yourself," which is but the interviewer’s way of saying "tulungan mo kaming iprito ka sa sarili mong mantika."

2.)  i hate it when employers use BIG nice words to hide the fact that you’d still be slaving your butt off in a call center, or doing some routine, menial job which they hide by the title "business process outsourcing." no offense meant to the people working there, pero kasi naman, they don’t even read your resume– mine clearly said that i wanted to APPLY LESSONS LEARNED IN THE ACADEME.  E san ba sa mga kursong kinuha ko sa Political Science tinuro ang pag-aayos ng payroll ng mga kano at pag-"eevaluate" ng mga travel expenses nila?

      take for example, our blockhead fred, FRED THE MAGNA CUM LAUDE, got offered a job with a fancy title to it, but which he describes as "mas mataas ng konti sa kargador." kasi raw hindi ikaw yung magbubuhat nung mga kahon, ikaw lang yung mag-uutos sa mga tao kung san nila ilalagay yun. wow, and you need a four-year course for that kind of job?! (sabi ni carlo, baka kailangan mo pang i-compute ang tamang workload per person. sabi ko naman, idagdag mo na ang tamang angle for lifting. mwahahahaha, the arrogance of a UP grad) thank you very much IBM, pero kamusta naman kayo!

3.) pero mas nakaka-frustrate ang mga demanding na job postings na hindi lang masteral degree ang hinahanap, working experience pa, tas you have to be under 30 pa. e mabuti sana kung ka ganda nung trabaho. and dude, hindi counted ang pag-papaalipin sa mga call center. eto yung mga job postings na magpapaisip sayo na "girl, kelangan mo pang mag-aral."

4.)pag nag-exam ka sa umaga, brace yourself for an interview sa hapon.

5.) remember the thesis days when you use to console yourself that the paper would be useful one day? well at least i used to do that. at totoo ito, pramiz! kasi kapag may magtatanong sayo (sa job interview) if you’ve done a paper, may ready answer ka na. wag nga lang gumaya sa amin ni abi, nalimutan na naming yung ibang recommendation / findings. awwts.

6.)bakit ba naman kamalas-malas ng batch namin at nataon pag nag freeze hiring ang gobyerno dahil sa eleksyon? iniisip ko na lang na dahil may mga bagong papasok na senador, malamang naman siguro mangangailangan sila ng legislative staff….

… ipagpapatuloy

world, ano ba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari?

May 6th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

PS: if you’re gonna read this, imagine the joe d’ mango style of speaking. bwahahahah. or ate charo’s.

mahirap magsimula muli matapos mabasag ang isang pangarap. dahil naging bahagi na ng sarili mo ang pangarap na yon. ang pangarap ay isang ikaw na gusto mong maging, at mahirap tanggapin na maaaring hindi na maging ikaw yung ikaw na ginusto mo. pero ang mas mahirap, yung muling mangarap. dahil kailangan mong damputin ang mga nabasag na bahagi ng iyong sarili, at hindi mo maiiwasan ang mabubog.

but the sad part about my broken dream is that i never knew how much i wanted it, until it was too late. siguro nga, habang pinaghihirapan mo ang isang bagay, nagugustuhan mo na rin ito.

right now, i feel so down. masaya ang walang ginagawa dahil bakasyon, pero nakakapraning ang walang ginagawa dahil wala ka na talagang nakaplanong gagawin. dun na pumapasok yung sangkatutak na panghihinayang, that i should have done more of this and less of that, that i should have done this and not that. pero hindi ko na maibabalik pa ang panahon (this is how CORNY i am becoming), but i do have the days to come.   

minsan gusto ko na lang talikuran ang lahat, pero ayoko namang maging ganun ka-duwag. and besides, with the way things are going, wala na talaga akong ibang pwedeng puntahan, kasi lahat ng pintuang katukan ko ay kasalukuyang nakasara para sa akin. right now, i’m holding on to the belief that you can get anything you want if you want it bad enough. and if this experiece taught me anything, it is that i do want it. bad.

one last try, and then i’d move on. do something else. want something else. siguro naman, hindi lahat ng mga pintuan ay habangbuhay na nakasara para sa akin.#

the rejects.

April 27th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

diliman. ulan. lubid. puno ng bulak.
#

(sipag ko noh).

Bell Jar

April 10th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

it was love at first sight. one look, and i knew it was real. i was on my way to the counter to pay for a magazine when I saw it. THE BOOK. it’s been a while since i really wanted to buy a book, and the moment i saw the title, i was hooked. Bell Jar. It was written by Sylvia Plath. I especially liked the quote printed in its back cover,which goes: "I felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully in the surrounding hulabaloo."

asteg. suicidal ang linya. asteeggg.

malapit na ang birthday ko. pera, mommy pengeng pera.

***
flashback, one sem ago: me, at a magazine rack in National Bookstore. indecisive. which mag to buy. The Economist, Time, or Newsweek. people came and went. general observation: men flipped through Time and Newsweek (probably too shy to flip through FHM etc?), women flipped through Cosmopolitan, Metro etc. Had the sudden urge to buy the Cosmopolitan Mag. Hurriedly went to the counter and bought The Economist instead. wheew.

***

Php200 na ang The Economist! powtah! that’s a Time Magazine and a Newsweek Magazine combined! that costs more than a venti-sized mocha frappe light with additional mint syrup! why am i whining? i don’t have that spare cash to buy those things anymore! kamote ang inflation rate, pagbaba ng purchasing power ng peso, pagtaas ng iba pang mga bilihin, at PANANATILI ng nominal value ng allowance ko since first year college! buhuhuhu. (oo, ang kapal ng muka kong magreklamo)

usapang carinderia.

April 6th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

magkano ang isang ulam sa mga kainan sa taft ngayun? Php35. yung munggo nila, Php28. basta kung gusto mong makakain nang matino, maghanda ka nang at least Php 40. ikumpara mo yun sa Php5 per ulam sa karinderya nila aling tuding sa probinsya namin. grabe. nagulat talaga ako! may takal siya na tig-lilimang piso! huwaatt! tapos kung gusto mo nang medyo pang-mayaman na pagkain, mga tipong afritada… Php10 per takal! huwaattt!!!????

grabe talaga. at hindi naman masyadong super probinsya ang probinsya namin, capital naman kami ng quezon noh. kaya ayun sina kuya, sarap kain dun, nagpriprito nang isda tas bibili kina aling tuding ng limang pisong dinuguan at limang pisong ginataang saging. san ka pa?!

still hungry*

April 3rd, 2007 by kawlang-pink

when i was a sophomere, i wrote an article about the problem of hunger in the country. at that time, the hunger rate in the Philippines was around 12 to 16.7%, said Social Weather Stations data. that was early 2005. two years and alleged economic growth later, hunger is still prevalent in the country. as of 2006, the rate ranges from 13.9 to 16.9%.  Apparently, the growth in GNP does not "trickle down" to the people, as the president had said it would. As Mahar Mangahas of the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism pointed out, the results of the survey on hunger show the "emptiness of the GNP."

>>> to be continued. i’ve to finish something else first. distracted na naman ako.

*in reaction to the articles read while researching for sources on the legitimacy of the president.
**"girl, focus (sam, 2007)."
*** "wala kang focus (mam tim, 2007)"
****"true =( (ixara, 2007)."

kulang na lang, deklarasyon.

April 1st, 2007 by kawlang-pink

masama sa akin ang nasosobrahan ng tulog. dahil pag gising ko, malamang sa malamang may mahahanap akong dahilan para maging malungkot. o mainis. o ma-frustrate. katulad ngayon. yung kabalintunaang pagpapadala ng mga sundalo sa komunidad. HINDI ito tama. alisin na natin ang konteksto na malapit na ang eleksyon at nagproprop daw ang mga sundalo na huwag iboto ang mga leftist partylist groups (o baka naman nangangampanya para dun sa partylist ni palps?). alisin na natin yung kontekstong sinasagasaan at ginigipit ng presensya ng militar sa mga komunidad yung karapatang pantao at karapatang sibil (tama bang yun ang tagalog sa civil liberties? :P) ng mga naninirahan dun, pati na ng mga aktibistang nakikipamuhay sa kanila. sige, alisin natin ang mga kontekstong yun na sapat na upang sabihing hindi tama ang paglalagay ng militar sa mga komunidad.

hindi pa rin ito tama.

dahil bilang demokratikong bansa, kailangang may respeto ang lahat hindi lamang sa mga karapatang pantao at civil liberties (haha, hindi talaga ako sure sa tagalog ng civil liberties, pasensya na), kundi pati na rin sa mga procedural stuff (nakakahiya ang polisci major na to, tsk tsk tsk) at sa delineation ng authority at responsibility. nakalagay lang naman sa konstitusyon natin na dapat manatiling neutral ang mga sundalo sa mga politikal na ka-chuvahan ng bansa. sa paglalagay ng admin ng mga militar sa komunidad, binibigyan ng admin ng ibang papel ang mga sundalo. at oo, politikal na ito.

pero bahagi lamang ang hakbang na ito ng admin ng isang malawakang pag-popoliticize ng militar upang maging pabor ang mga ito sa kasalukuyang rehimen.

nariyan na nga ang pagtatalaga ng mga retired military officials sa matataas na posisyon ng CIVILIAN BUREAUCRACY. civilian ha.

nariyan din ang pagtakbo ng mga sundalo sa gobyerno, halimbawa na lamang ang nominasyon ni Palparan upang maging representative ng isang partylist. nakanang, maka-attend pa kaya ang mga leftist partylist representatives ng mga miting ng kongreso pag nagkataong nanalo si Palps?

<buntong hininga>

undeclared MARTIAL LAW, anyone?

at ang nakakalungkot dito, tila hinahayaan na lang natin na magpatuloy ang mga ganitong kabalintunaan ng admin. tila palasak na sa mga mata natin ang mga pang-araw araw na balitang "Bayan Muna, Killed," "Bayan Muna, Killed Again," at "LFS naman ng Bicol ang Tinitira." at mukhang hindi pa rin natitinag ang admin ngayon sa sunod-sunod na pagtira rito ng mga international organizations tungkol sa kalugmok-lugmok na kalagayan ng karapatang pantao sa Pilipinas. Ilan sa mga organisasyong ito ang United Nations, International People’s Tribune, Amnesty International. Kahit nga ang Senado ng US, napapa-iling na ng ulo.

nakakalungkot. nakakafrustrate. kaya nga ba hindi ako dapat natutulog nang ganito katagal.

blackbird singin in the dead of night…

March 26th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

if you’d look at my updated playlist, you’d see the new songs i’ve added are old songs. way back 1960’s to 70’s. sawa na ako sa kinahihinatnan ng musika sa panahong ito. most songs just talk about heartaches, getting laid, partying, and falling in love. and i’m not against that. i just hope there’s something MORE. MEANING. TRUTH. LIFE.
(powtah. eto nagagawa ng mga hindi pa -for binding ang thesis. e bakit ba e sa april 4 pa naman submission ng grades a?!)

***
my current thesis drama + my current 1960’s vibe = "mam tim" (sung to the tune of hey jude, by the beatles)

mam tim
don’t make me sad
take my thesis and make it better.
remember i’ve already submitted my draft
i know when it comes back, it’ll be better
better, better, better, better, better…
nana, nananana, mam tim…
nana, nananana, mam tim…
nana, nananana, mam tim…
[adek!!!]
***

APATHY KILLS. but so does calling everything else STUPID.

March 8th, 2007 by kawlang-pink

Apathy kills. And so does calling everything that doesn’t work for you as "the world of stupidity that passes for our country". Tell me you like it, tell me why. Tell me you don’t, tell me
why. Stupid is such a vague term, and so is the word foolish. You’ve talked of
the country. Of ideals and how it cannot fill bellies. It must be the training
from the Department of Social Sciences, but I think the country’s problems, the
challenges it faces, the dynamics of its political process, and the solutions
different sectors give have NAMES.

Poverty. Hunger. Red tape. Corruption. Graft.

Efficiency. Good governance. People empowerment. True democracy.

It’s more than just ’stupidity’ and ‘foolishness.’ Corruption for instance has
deep roots in our culture. And culture can be shaped both by existing realities
and by history.

Don’t just call the country stupid. Or foolish. Because it is part and parcel
of who we ALL are. Because in the end, no one is above everyone else. Or do you
see yourself not as a Filipino, but more as the elusive ‘global citizen’?

I would not want the university to be represented by someone who apparently
does not know a thing about social realities, about governance; who generalizes
things and categorizes them as stupid just to sound as if he bothered to know.
Because if you did, there are a lot of words to call the country’s problems. You cannot just call something stupid or something foolish because it does not
work for you. Or are you just trying to sound intellectual? Are you just trying
to package yourself as "above all partisan politics," above all of us
who belong to the microcosm of Philippine society that is UP?

If so, please widen your vocabulary first. And think of the things you will say
before posting it in a medium where everyone else can read it. Alamin mo muna
kung paano gumalaw ang mga bagay-bagay, bago ka makealam
.

Nakakahiya. For a UP student with credentials like yours, you should be very
careful with what you say, more so with what you profess to plan to do.

And for a UP student like me, I would be very careful as well. My credentials
may not match yours, but I would not want to be represented by someone like
you.

You claim to fight alienation, but it is you who alienates yourself from all of
us. You who woe voters only during elections, whose former position entrusted
to you by the UP students you did not handle well. And if i would believe other
people’s claims, you who have abused your student-given authority.

TRAPO.

If anything, my vote this election is a ‘no’ to you.

PS: You claim you want transparency, but you do not publish the bad things people are commenting about you. As my friend who tried to criticize you in your medium said — bakit walang lumabas sa sinabi ko? Scrineen pa ata.